First World Problems / Pet Peeves

The title seems kind of self-explanatory to me.
There has been more than one moment when I have heard myself say or think something and then immediately hears myself say/think "God, First World Pet Peeves much?"
The struggle is real.

To better convey the deep seeded displeasure I have with these mild inconveniences, I have brought in the support of my good buddies - 'gifs' (pronounced JUH-iffs... like... Jiffy peanut butter without the "y" at the end. Not Gifs pronounced like you're trying to make a cartoonish and comedic swallow noise. Get it together.).


1. Black Friday Sales.... In Store Only!

Some of us are shut ins and/or live in super rural locations and/or work like 80hrs a week and ain't got no time for stores, or people, or driving, or movement in general. Like come on. Why would you make me put on pants and pre-plan my purchasing binges? Nope.

2. Commercials on Youtube that you can't Click to Skip

This goes for Spotify commercials too. 
If I can't click past you, you better guarantee your company just made the list of 'shit I will never buy simply on principle and curmudgeon-mindset alone. I'm looking at you, Ford vehicles.


3. Dishes that can't go in the dishwasher

What do I look like to you, a 19th century pauper living on the streets of some hovel in a colony betwixt smallpox and consumption epidemics? NO. So if you can't survive the dishwasher, you failed  house-initiation and go right to the garbage, mister French Press Coffee Maker. Just saying.


4. Burning things onto nonstick pots

WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME, TEFLON



5. Glitchy streaming from my macbook to my apple tv

First netflix 'loading' and now this?! I can't even.



6. When I charge/sync my ipod and it doesn't actually do anything

What do you think I'm doing Ipod - connecting usb cords for my health? NO. I WANT TO HEAR MY SHITTY MUSIC AND I WANNA HEAR IT NOW I AINT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. How else am I going to overplay a song until I hate it in the car on the way to/from work!?! Moderation can go f*** itself, amirite?


7. Bugs in nature

I rented this expensive Air BnB cottage so I could get in touch with nature, not so it could get in touch with me. Get out my cottage, moths and get off my dogs, deer ticks.



8. My GI Tract's response to Indian Food

The world's most expensive laxative.
Like... I'm gonna keep buying it. I'm gonna keep eating it. And I'm gonna keep having to be single. I'm just saying.



9. When the Liquor Store discontinued my favorite low calorie low alcohol wine (Late Harvest, obvi)

I didn't want to get drunk OR fat. I wanted to look classy while binge watching Pretty Little Liars with several mixed flavors of kettle chips. What am I supposed to do now, settle for something heartburn-y like Skinnygirl red? ugh.



10. Buying a realistic artificial Christmas Tree

The only christmas tree I've ever owned since moving out of my parents' post high-school graduation was the christmas tree that a roommate left at my house one time like 10 years ago... and he got the tree from his parents... who got it from someone else and then like 40 years before i was born those original owners decided they were sick of this terrible tree so better give it away.

Last year I was putting it up (I even made a youtube video about it which I have since removed because nobody needs to see that) I accidentally stabbed myself on one of the metal pieces and bled and was concerned for a solid hour or two that I might need to get a Tetanus shot. Legit.

Long story short I decided after I moved out of Newfoundland that I would buy a new Christmas tree. But turns out Christmas trees are expensive AF (I thought mad like 125 bucks). Also, the more I thought about buying one the more lofty goals I made for my potential new tree such that now it needs to be at least 7 feet tall, totally real looking without being actually real (because Ezra eats trees...and candles...and pee pads...), already pre-lit with non-LED lights that are both coloured (for when I'm feeling festive) and all white (for when I'm feeling classy). Do you know how much a tree like that costs!? Like... a billion dollars. I can't even.

We're going to end up having to decorate a construction paper tree or something because I'm not made of money, Balsam Hill!!!

So now I have no christmas tree, because black friday only allows me to get 50% off trees and that just ain't enough when you want the same tree that the family's on that show The OC probably couldn't afford. Seriously, if i'm gonna spend that kind of money on a holiday that shit is going up for at LEAST 4 months.

--------
Fin.

-A.

Dog-Friendly Birthday Cake! (gluten free)

What is this witchcraft!? How do I eat fire, mom!? 

Welcome to the world's most delayed entry!
Indie's 3rd birthday was September.
To celebrate, I wasted way too much time creating a dog-friendly cake so that I could sing happy birthday to my critters while we all hung out on the floor and fought internal battles to refrain from inhaling too much peanut butter.

This is an actual safe food for dogs
BUT
there's lots of oil and such in it
so you might wanna not give them the whole thing. I know we all like to binge-out and eat a full cake every now n again (amirite) but you're the responsible adult in this situation and you can't just let other people eat themselves into some kind of horrible diarrhea-obesity-diabetes combo.

Ingredients

1/4 cup honey
2 tbsp coconut oil
1/2 cup coconut flour
1tsp baking powder
1/4 cup milk
1/2-1 cup blueberries
3 eggs

Peanut butter (for topping +/- dog biscuit, kibble, chicken pieces, cheese pieces, whatever)

Instructions

1. Preheat Oven at 350 degrees F

2. Mix your eggs with a mixer for at least 1min (they should get bubbly and fluffy)

3. Add milk, oil, and honey - use mixer

4. Add in dry ingredients - use mixer

5. Add in blueberries (I used frozen but fresh is probably better re: moisture) - Hand stir them in (unless you're looking to shred your berries and make a blue cake, that's cool too!)

6. Pour equally into whatever mold you decide. You should have enough batter for 2 mini pie molds, but if you want more dog-friendly portions without needing to cut into slices, I'd recommend cupcake pan that is VERY WELL greased with either coconut oil or avocado oil (since those are the best oils for the dogs and higher burning point). I would not recommend using an actual 9" pie pan as this is a very dense mixture and takes forever to cook.

7. Bake for 30mins (may need to keep in longer depending on the size of pans and your oven). Most of the top should be browned but not burnt! If you find the outside is cooking too fast, bring temperature to 325). Note that the larger your pan, the lower the temperature and the longer you should keep it in the oven.

8. When done, leave to cool for 15-30min, then CAREFULLY remove from pans and place onto a papertowel and place the cake/papertowel onto a metal grate to allow air to get to the bottom of the cake (because it'll likely be kind of soggy sort of "bread pudding"-esque on the bottom and therefore harder to cut later).

9. When fully cooled, use peanut butter and your toppings as icing and decoration!