Aint no party like a clerkship-gif party (part 2)

I've been on the phone ..on hold...with my bank company people for like 35mins but they're the ones who called me about my angry email I wrote with the biggest bag of sauce you'd think I was makin' spaghetti. So I can only assume that I'm hold because I'm getting a free iPad.
That's how these things work right?


Anyway... In the words of the great yogi instructor I had for a weekend retreat over the summer: HERE WE GO, SATURDAY NIGHT. YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE ELSE BUT INSTEAD YOUR HERE. WOO HOO.

Clerkship-gif party (part 2)

"Clerk, could you have a look at the lab results and tell me what you think?"
NO PROBLEMO, DUDE

"well??? What's wrong with him/her?"

NO IDEA

"Alright well we'll go easy on you today. I'm going to need you to figure it out and these 5 other patients and write up reports on them all, do a full history and physical and then page me in about 45mins with all that. kbai"

"Junior doctor, does this infection smell funny to you?"

No of course not... I don't smell a thing!

And then your pager starts going off. Better deal with that too!

BRB NURSES JUST GOTTA RUN TO THE BATHROOM TO URINATE AND OTHER SUCH THINGS:

"other such things" = cry like a little girl

45 mins comes and goes and you have like 0.8% of the work expected of you completed. Then your attending comes and is like "ok where's the diagnoses and paperwork?" And you're just like:

TONIGHT YOU ARE WORKING A 30HR SHIFT HOPE U BROUGHT FOOD AND STUFF LAWLZ:

And you try to complain to your parents but they're all like UR IN MEDICINE WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN:

But things work out okay because when you walk into the ER you see that resident that eats candy with you and pretends she doesn't think you're a complete R-tard. Ie., basically your work-bffl

I WILL BUY YOU ALL THE SOUR KEYS
IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO YELL AT ME AT 3AM
FOR BEING A TOTAL WASTE OF LIFE

And she doesn't even get mad at you when she finds you asleep on your paperwork with your pen still in your hand at 5:15am!!! <3

And she calls the attending for you in the morning because she knows that your ability to make coherent sentences disappeared somewhere around the 27th hour!

Finally your first call shift is over! And you go home and all you're hoping for is that your dog is stoked to see you and will be all like:

But when you go in for a cuddle you get this face from her instead:

HOOMAN WHY R U TUCHING MEH
STAHP U SMELL LIKE BUTTHOLE

And you're just like fuck it I'm going to bed... cuz Ur gonna have to go back again tomorrow...and the next day...and the next and the next and the next and the next until you retire.

FIN.

-A.

Aint no party like a Clerkship-Gif party

And now, because I am too unimaginative to draw any more comics at the moment, I bring you a brief story about third year medicine: Internal Med rotation. 

Day 1: Internal med rotation. 

Expectation: Track down your attending and have a professional sit down with them. Because it's important to figure out everyone's roles and expectations. 

Reality: Its probably gonna be a week or so until you figure out how to find your attending, and by then you've annoyed everyone you've come in contact with that actually knows how to be an integral part of hospital society. So instead of a happy meeting with your preceptor and your residents it goes a little more like this:

First Academic Half-Day:

In the morning you're assaulted with a 3hr reminder of how little your brain retained from last year and so your answer to "what is an anion gap" is all like...

To get through it you decide to haul out your trusty laptop and serf 9gag ... but the room has no inter web. So you're like:

Expectation: At the end of half day you figure you'll go have a leisurely lunch and then mosey your way up to the floor. Because I mean... you're probably gonna go home at like 3 or 4pm so how much work could you possibly do?

Reality:

You finish your first day or two with any optimism of "man I'm totally smart I can totally nail this clerkship thing" with utter defeat ...for now.

Because gosh darn it you're gonna be a mofo'n doctor ! TOMORROW YOU WILL NAIL THIS SHIT. GO YOU

Wake up in da morning with your favourite jams on. GET PUMPED. TODAY YOURE GONNA ROCK IT

Because if there's anything 2nd year taught you... its:

How hard could this possibly be?

I mean, you've done CPR and First aid like 6 times now. Easy Peese.

NEWSFLASH:

TO BE CONTINUED...

-------------------------------------------------------

My bedroom floor is a complete anarchy of socks.
Clean socks... dirty socks... boys socks... my socks...

The weird part is that there is literally NO other clothes on my floor.

Which leads me to wonder at what point did Sleepy-A think all clothes must be folded and tucked away except socks (the most vulnerable of all my laundry to dog attacks except for my bras)?

Because for whatever reason, now my floor looks like some kind of hipster-indie artpiece/collage made entirely of unpaired cotton foot-holders.

...The more you know! *rainbow*

The Naming of Indie.

I have an obsession with dogs.  It is totally under control and is not weird at all. Having no friends other than my sister for the first four years of my life resulted in me harbouring an intense passion for thinking I lived in a world where I could :

a) talk to dogs, and
b) be one with the dogs.

I had brown hair as a kid... just FYI

So when I moved out on my own I started fostering random dogs.
Then I found Bandit. Bandit was a wild animal. Not like "free spirited" wild so much as "try to keep a rabid bear as a pet" wild.

It was a simpler time, back in the olden days of 2013.  I thought a lot about owning my own dog (rather than just fostering), but I knew that it probably wouldn't be Bandit.  He was probably never going to be tame enough to stay in a house for 12hrs a day. Realistically, he couldn't spend 12 minutes alone in my house without peeing on my plants and trying to bite my face when I told him not to.

Nevertheless I was determined that one day I would meet a dog that would be my new dog soul mate that was cute and totz awesome .

One day I was (supposed to be) studying in the library when I came across a dog that was beautiful. Like seriously... should have been a dog model (is that a thing?). And I was like HOLY SHAT I NEEDS IT.

missing from photo: Right arm.

So I bought her. To get her I had to fly halfway across my country to meet her at an airport on Christmas eve all by myself. This resulted in kind of a massive fight with my family, given that families tend to want you around on Christmas and not in an airport alone in some random province where you don't know anybody.
But I bit the bullet, made my entire family SUPER mad at me and bought a last minute flight to meet my soon to be puppy! You seriously could not meet a happier and more excited person than me that day. There were Santas all over the place in the Toronto airport and I was like HEY SANTA every five seconds. I high fived at least one and randomly hugged another. I made friends with some people that worked at the hotel I was staying at (since puppy was coming late in the night) and I ate pizza with a glass of wine at the hotel restaurant all alone LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING ADULT. You don't even KNOW.


Her flight got delayed like 4 times because Toronto was having an ice storm that was somewhat similar to the apocalypse. I went for a walk in the night by myself (tromping through like 2 feet of ice and snow) JUST BECAUSE I was SO HAPPY. I hugged a doorman and told him all about this magical beast that was soon going to be my best friend forever even though that dog had no idea what was going on whatsoever.


It was midnight by the time I picked her up at Customs, and we had to catch out flight home at 3am so my nameless dog and I slept together on the freezing cold porcelain bathroom floor in my hotel room (She was too small to jump onto the bed, and to be perfectly honest I would bet money that she was plotting to pee all over ANYTHING that would require me to not get my damage deposit back).

The next morning we made our way through all the airport terminals and santa clauses and arbitrary travellers who had no families or perhaps were all here to get dogs that their parents didn't approve of either...
In a line up to get out ticket, a random girl threw her guts up for no reason right in front of me. This resulted in these two random guys turning around and seeing me and my dog kennel. The following conversation resulted:

(un)fortunately, I continued to run into these guys everywhere I went as I waited for my 5am flight.

... at the end of it all, I was just looking around all the walls in the airport trying to find a noun that could pass as a name... ANYTHING that would get these guys to just stahp. And then I saw a book store: Indigo.

When I said "Indigo" the guys were Stoked and thought it was the best thing ever (though at least one of them asked me what the word indigo meant ... so i went on a tangent to them about how I was a painter and Indigo is a colour people paint with...  it was like 4am, tbh I have no idea what i was saying).


And from then on I had my little baby/hellraiser mammal - name and all.

Little miss Indie (aka., Indigo).

-fin.

-A.