Hi everyone!
It's Christmas time (in my world, anyway)!
In lieu of such a wonderous time when I have an excuse to perpetually have candles lit, pretty lights streamed across my everything, and adorable matching onsies on the dogs... here is a Christmas story I wrote a few years ago.
It's offensive.
So...
yeah.
 |
Christmas Tree 2015
Compliments of Julia and dogs that chewed up at least one ornament during the decorating process |
A BEARY MERRY CHRISTMAS
Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a bear named Frank. Frank didn’t know he was a bear however, because he owned no mirrors (nor did he know what reflection meant) and had no friends. He also had no hair.
Growing up, Franks mother asked him ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ and Frank always responded, without hesitation: “I want to be different, and I want to fit in”. His mother would laugh and tell her son that the sentence was oxymoronic; you can’t fit in if you’re weird, and animals that are different are weird.
Frank didn’t really know who, or where, his dad was and so all he had to go by was this ostentatious mother with her traditional and critical views.
So for most of his adolescent bear life, Frank was too insecure to go to bear-school, or go outdoors to play with the other wildlife. Frank didn’t even look outside because he was afraid that other more normal-looking creatures would look in the window and start pointing with their hooves or their paws and laugh at him.
But one day, when Frank woke up, he decided that he had had enough of living in his bear-cave, cold and hairless as he was. He decided to run away.
So he packed his little bear bag and boogied out of the cave while his mean mom was away doing old-lady-bear things.
Outside was more massive than he thought. His cave was on an island that had ___ spokes of varying land branching from his little nucleus home. Each spoke-like pathway was different and scary but amazing to see from his viewpoint. Never had Frank seen bushy green things blowing in the wind atop big brown stalks, nor had he seen yellow-white micro-rocks mushed into dunes, soft and heavy and warm. He had definitely never seen the white powdery and sleety stuff that rained down like a thicket of rosebush thorns (he had seen those in a book once!), and it looked cold and unpleasant. Even moreso, spoke that held the land of white and cold was broken; he would have to swim really far in really dark scary water to even set foot on the horrid-looking place, so Frank decided to never walk that way.
So what was there to do but to decide a path and follow it, with the hopes of finding a way to be different but fit in all the same.
The path straight in front of him was made of the fine little rocks. Frank decided that he might as well pick that one, because it was a pretty color and looked kind of warm (and having no fur, he was cold!)
Frank didn’t make it far before he ran into a big ugly hard-shelled bug with a giant stabby-object on its tail. The insect introduced himself as a scorpion.
“Oh sure, there’s all kinds of scorpions out this way!” the critter told Frank, between awkward sidelong glances.
“What are you looking at?” Frank asked, ever-so self-conscious of what he didn’t see of himself.
“My, you have no hair!” The scorpion laughed. “Are you a giant hairless guinea pig?”
Frank was pretty offended, even though he had no idea what a guinea pig was but he knew pigs weren’t a label he wished to carry around.
“No! I am a bear!” Frank proclaimed indigently.
“Suuure you are” the scorpion chuckled, before scuttling away like the creepy little bug that he was.
Frank decided he didn’t want to live in a land where there were millions of scorpions scuttling around being assholes and making fun of his odd appearance. So he turned around and walked back to the nucleus of the bike-spokes that was his cave.
Frank chose the spoke to the right of the sand path, which was full of greenery and mud. He decided it was an okay place because it had lots of caves like the one he had been living in, and there was all kinds of things running around on all fours. He met some squirrels, but they talked to fast for him to understand what they were saying. He saw some rabbits but they were scared of everything and ran away from him before he could even say hello.
Then he saw a four legged thing that looked kind of like the shape he was. So he bustled over to the big brown furry thing.
“Hey there!” Said Frank, “are you a bear?”
The bear nodded, while sizing Frank up and down with curious eyes.
“Indeed I is, but what is you?” it said.
Frank smiled a big bear smile and said “I’m a bear too!”
The brown bear shook his big ole furry head and responded “youre not a bear like me. I has fur. You’re hairless… and black. And we don’t like thangs that are dafferent. Us grizzlies don’t like competition. And we don’t like that you’re a daffrent color than us. SO you git on away whar you came from, yew ugly ole black critter!”
And with that, the grizzly turned around and walked away, murmerin away to himself about how them black hairy bears that have been comin’ around must have some freaks among ‘em. And he mumbled some more racial comments.
So Frank turned around again, discouraged and confused that some bears could hate on other bears just because of the color of their skin. He mused ‘I bet no other kinds of animals are that ridiculous in their prejudices!’.
So back he went to the nucleus. There was only two pathways left; the snowy one that meant he had to swim, and he imagined that sunk like a big black rock, so he opted for the only other choice.
He decided to take the most left-sided spoke, which was filled with mountains and green leafy things. So he walked and he walked and he climbed and he climbed. It got cold the higher he went, and soon he started seeing four-legged things far far away.
Weary, and discouraged but determined to find bears that he would fit in with, Frank trudged over to the beasts.
These beasts were black and white.
“Surely this is where I belong!” Frank thought. “The grizzly told me I was black, and these bears are black as well! Maybe they won’t mind my hairlessness!”
The black and white bear was sat on his bum, eating big leafy leaves and looking like he’d been punched in both eyes with his big black rings on his puffy white face.
“Oh Hay there, thsailor!” The new bear said.
“Hey, other bear” Frank replied.
“What’s yo sexy self doin’ in these parts?” The new bear asked.
Frank was pretty confused because this bear was definitely friendly, but he was maybe a bit too friendly and he didn’t know if this was where he fit. So he asked, “am I the same as you? Is this where I belong? I’ve travelled to pretty much every corner of the world, and you’re the only one that looks like me!”
The black and white bear looked disappointed and replied, “oh honay no… try as you might, you aren’t like my kind. You’re all black, and only black. My kind swings both ways; we’re black and white. Sorry my love, but this aint the place for you!”
Frank was so sad. So so sad. Nowhere wanted him. There was nowhere in the whole wide world where he could fit in but be accepted for his differences. Even the bears that went both ways/colors wished they could accept him, but they knew the only way Frank would be happy would be if he didn’t have to work to be like everyone else. So that simply wasn’t there.
As Frank trudged back to the nucleus-cave, he hung his head all sad. Maybe nowhere there will be anyone that loves me, he thought. Maybe I should just go live alone forever where nobody has to deal with my oddness, my blackness, my hairlessness. Maybe I should just go to the big white place and crawl in a hole and die.”
So, begrudgingly and dejected, Frank turned toward the icy water and flopped in. The water was cold and he was sad and crying but he barely even knew it because there was water everywhere and he was too cold to care.
He landed in the big white cold place and immediately thought it was a stupid place that never should have existed. But he wandered on deep into the crisp white cold. He wandered for days and saw nothing and nobody. Just more snow and more ice and more frigid black water.
On the third day, there was a blizzard. Snow was everywhere and Frank felt like he was walking in circles. He realized he had no idea why he was even walking since clearly there was nowhere to go and he was all alone, sticking out like a sore thumb in this world of white with his hairless black coat.
But from a distance, Frank saw a blip. A little red blip.
And that little red blip was heading toward him.
So he watched the blip, wondering what in the world would be in this icy land, and why would it be such a bright bright color.
The red blip turned into a human. It was hairless on its face, except for a big bushy white beard, and had a big red suit on covering a fat full belly. He even had little white gloves on and a big red hat.
“Ho Ho Ho!” The human said, “why so sad, rare and bare, big black bear?”
The bear told his story and said he was giving up and was just going to die here alone, frozen cold and black and weird.
“Ho ho no! That’s not the way things should be! Let me look in my bag and see what I see? Ho Ho! Don’t you know! There’s a present just for you, it’s true!”
And with that, the man with the big white beard hauled out a giant white fluffy coat, big enough for Frank and just the perfect size.
“I came out for you, my black bear who was blue. And I knew it was time to help. So I give you this coat, keeps you warm and afloat, and on this Christmas morn, I name you reborn. And forever you’ll be my polar bear.”
But what’s more, the man pointed with his big white mitten, to a space of pure white much like every other. But shortly after he pointed, he snapped his other hands fingers, and out of the bleak there was movement.
Soon the man and Frank were greeted by dozens of bears wearing big white coats around their black skin and dark noses, and they ran to hug Frank in greeting.
And forever from that day, Frank belonged in the world with others different just like him, and happy to bring him into their family with open arms.
But when Frank finished hugging, and went to thank the man, he turned and nothing was there. Just white and more white, not one lick of red.
“Who was that?” Frank asked his new family and friends.
“His name’s Santa. He helped us find each other. We’ll see him again next year when he finds another bear, different like you, but just as welcome to fit in with our clan.
So a Christmas Miracle came true for Frank. And every Christmas, the Spirit of Santa might save anyone, even those who don’t feel lost but may feel alone. With festive colors and cookies and trees and Christmas carols, everyone is welcome to join in, different and unique all the same.
