First World Problems / Pet Peeves

The title seems kind of self-explanatory to me.
There has been more than one moment when I have heard myself say or think something and then immediately hears myself say/think "God, First World Pet Peeves much?"
The struggle is real.

To better convey the deep seeded displeasure I have with these mild inconveniences, I have brought in the support of my good buddies - 'gifs' (pronounced JUH-iffs... like... Jiffy peanut butter without the "y" at the end. Not Gifs pronounced like you're trying to make a cartoonish and comedic swallow noise. Get it together.).


1. Black Friday Sales.... In Store Only!

Some of us are shut ins and/or live in super rural locations and/or work like 80hrs a week and ain't got no time for stores, or people, or driving, or movement in general. Like come on. Why would you make me put on pants and pre-plan my purchasing binges? Nope.

2. Commercials on Youtube that you can't Click to Skip

This goes for Spotify commercials too. 
If I can't click past you, you better guarantee your company just made the list of 'shit I will never buy simply on principle and curmudgeon-mindset alone. I'm looking at you, Ford vehicles.


3. Dishes that can't go in the dishwasher

What do I look like to you, a 19th century pauper living on the streets of some hovel in a colony betwixt smallpox and consumption epidemics? NO. So if you can't survive the dishwasher, you failed  house-initiation and go right to the garbage, mister French Press Coffee Maker. Just saying.


4. Burning things onto nonstick pots

WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME, TEFLON



5. Glitchy streaming from my macbook to my apple tv

First netflix 'loading' and now this?! I can't even.



6. When I charge/sync my ipod and it doesn't actually do anything

What do you think I'm doing Ipod - connecting usb cords for my health? NO. I WANT TO HEAR MY SHITTY MUSIC AND I WANNA HEAR IT NOW I AINT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. How else am I going to overplay a song until I hate it in the car on the way to/from work!?! Moderation can go f*** itself, amirite?


7. Bugs in nature

I rented this expensive Air BnB cottage so I could get in touch with nature, not so it could get in touch with me. Get out my cottage, moths and get off my dogs, deer ticks.



8. My GI Tract's response to Indian Food

The world's most expensive laxative.
Like... I'm gonna keep buying it. I'm gonna keep eating it. And I'm gonna keep having to be single. I'm just saying.



9. When the Liquor Store discontinued my favorite low calorie low alcohol wine (Late Harvest, obvi)

I didn't want to get drunk OR fat. I wanted to look classy while binge watching Pretty Little Liars with several mixed flavors of kettle chips. What am I supposed to do now, settle for something heartburn-y like Skinnygirl red? ugh.



10. Buying a realistic artificial Christmas Tree

The only christmas tree I've ever owned since moving out of my parents' post high-school graduation was the christmas tree that a roommate left at my house one time like 10 years ago... and he got the tree from his parents... who got it from someone else and then like 40 years before i was born those original owners decided they were sick of this terrible tree so better give it away.

Last year I was putting it up (I even made a youtube video about it which I have since removed because nobody needs to see that) I accidentally stabbed myself on one of the metal pieces and bled and was concerned for a solid hour or two that I might need to get a Tetanus shot. Legit.

Long story short I decided after I moved out of Newfoundland that I would buy a new Christmas tree. But turns out Christmas trees are expensive AF (I thought mad like 125 bucks). Also, the more I thought about buying one the more lofty goals I made for my potential new tree such that now it needs to be at least 7 feet tall, totally real looking without being actually real (because Ezra eats trees...and candles...and pee pads...), already pre-lit with non-LED lights that are both coloured (for when I'm feeling festive) and all white (for when I'm feeling classy). Do you know how much a tree like that costs!? Like... a billion dollars. I can't even.

We're going to end up having to decorate a construction paper tree or something because I'm not made of money, Balsam Hill!!!

So now I have no christmas tree, because black friday only allows me to get 50% off trees and that just ain't enough when you want the same tree that the family's on that show The OC probably couldn't afford. Seriously, if i'm gonna spend that kind of money on a holiday that shit is going up for at LEAST 4 months.

--------
Fin.

-A.

The Budapest Trip

Sorry for the delay on this post! I know a lot of people were aware I went to Budapest a few weeks ago, and I keep saying this blog is partly about traveling so I'd imagine those people were like 'yeah comics whatever where tf is europe u dirtbag'... so without further adeu, here are some of the highlights of my Budapest trip (because otherwise the blog entry would be a friggin' novel)...

THE BUDAPEST TRIP 

The idea of traveling to Budapest was more or less on a whim. Hungary has never really been on my list of places I had to visit (quite possibly because I could barely point to it on a map and have never done a day of history lectures in my entire life), but nevertheless a few weeks ago I found myself buying a ~22 hour travel time adventure to a country I've never been that doesn't even speak the same language as I.

For all intents and purposes, this was a solo-female traveler excursion - my first solo excursion outside North America and also not to a resort!



Flights: Lufthansa (Economy/Business)

   ....ok so I may have splurged a little more than I should have, given that I'm a person of meagre means/no income, but the business class on the Lufthansa flights I took was. the. bomb. The chairs went all the way back into a bed!!!! I got a free bar of chocolate! I got all kinds of cheese and buns and stuff! I could have taken wellness classes while flying (literally)... but I used the time instead for wine and sleep. I regret nothing.
Even the bathroom was classy with its Ren products and its porthole window you could look out while pooping if you should so desire!

So many buttons to push...

So much leg room omg

omg the cheese and balls of butter WHAT

Think i'll check myself out in this full-length
bathroom mirror WHAT

Dat view tho.

The City

I stayed in Budapest during the first 2 weeks of May, which turned out to be a wonderful time weather-wise (with the exception of numerous warm downpours), but not so much a great time in terms of the company I kept. Nevertheless, my couples-excursion was converted to a solo-world-adventure in which I explored a vast amount of the Pest half of Budapest (and a tiny amount of the Buda half) by foot. The ole Fitbit never knew what hit 'er.

Budapest is beautiful in a ye olde colonial way. The buildings are all constructed with big pillars, mosaics and sculptures everywhere and the locals are all very friendly! I still felt a bit of the communist vibe when I went to the parliament but I guess that's to be expected given it's only been about 25yrs since things changed. The city itself is a city of reminders of all the flaws in their past, which I appreciated being a person who has never taken a history class in her life, and also as a person who is pretty big on human rights.

Parliament   
Parliament was only a 15minute walk from where I stayed, and is a massive behemoth of a piece of property. I didn't go inside because, frankly I was a little freaked out by the guards and you know, the big rungs of rope keeping me from going indoors or on the grass. I did, however, wander around like the tourist I am and stared at things from afar while trying to make them look majestic on camera.

"Misses can I borrow your stone pencil?"
"Bitch get yo' own pencil"

The one thing I want to note is on Parliament there is an underground monument-type thing about a mysterious tragedy that occurred in October 1956. That underground showcase will haunt me for years to come. I couldn't take pictures, nor did I want to, but I am wiser to know what the people of Budapest went through in order to obtain their freedom from Communism. It's just really F'ing sad to go back up into the light with the lush greenery, beautiful statues of horses and thousands of tourists with their selfie-sticks after seeing that massacre. When I came back up from viewing everything and being thoroughly disturbed, I saw a little old man sitting in the distance staring up at the parliament building - he looked easily old enough to remember the massacre. And I felt so bad knowing that there were still people with real memories of the day their loved ones were slaughtered. Honestly, I wanted to throw up and so at that point I left the square and wandered onward to find something less tragic to focus on.

Bye Parliament.

Shoes on the Danube

Not to be outdone by Parliament's commemoration of 1956, are the Shoes on the Danube.
The Danube river is the large body of water that separates Budapest into Buda and Pest. During WW2, the river was also used as a method of getting rid of bodies after unfortunate souls were lined up, shot and killed by the Arrow Cross. Some time afterward (2005), a sculptor reconstructed several dozen pairs of shoes out of iron in typical 1940s fashion to memorialize the location that those people were murdered.
That was singlehandedly the most powerful memorial I have ever seen.

Fisherman's Bastion

Fisherman's Bastion is, unfortunately, the only thing I had the opportunity to see on the Buda side of Budapest! It's known as one of the most romantic places to visit in the city, and with good reason. The big stone castle has ye olde music players at the top and within the bleached white stone walls, there's turrets to explore and all kinds of food/wine to buy if you were so inclined. I was acutely aware that I wasn't with a significant other while there, since everyone else and their dog had someone to hold hands with. Yolo.

Fisherman's Bastion

Hey buddy in the creepy hallway, play me a tune

The Ruin Pubs (Szimpla Kert)

From what I can gather, Ruinpubs are/were abandoned buildings that have been makeshifted into hippin' hoppin' night clubs that during the day are kind of awkward boring locations to visit as a tourist for a cheap drink. I visited the most popular (Szimpla Kert) in the Jewish district. It was very similar to what I previously mentioned... Kind of a hodgepodge of things that looked as though they were taken from garbage dumps (tricycles on the ceiling, etc) and put on the walls/ceiling/floors/etc. Not exactly the most polite crew at 3pm, nor the best food by any means (tasted pretty store bought), but was a fine enough location to walk to and from. I wouldn't go out of my way to go to any others though.

Food! 
Prior to my Budapest trip I was doing the vegetarian ketogenic diet, but knowing how restrictive that can be (every single meal had to be custom made by me) I opted to go back to a normal ovo-lacto vegetarian diet while traveling. Which meant cheese. A lot of cheese. In many different forms (ie., cheesecake). The most amazing of all cheesecakes was the Black Mamba at Edesmindegy. Omfg. Peanut butter and chocolate and graham wafer etc etc etc I can't describe to you how good it was unless I use the one true sentence: I ate it one morning... for breakfast.

Wars could have been fought for this cheesecake. 

There are two other vegetarian specialties within the hungarian food world, both of which look very similar in writing but are completely different in person. And one is super gross. Of course, I went looking for the delicious one (Langos - fried bread dough with toppings... kind of like a supreme Touton/Beavertail) and in doing so ended up ordering the gross one (Lecso), which was a mishmash of vegetarian stew that had scrambled eggs in it for some reason. How unfortunate.

What. Is this. Stew with identity crisis: Lecso

Other things you need to know: Budapest knows how to do Sushi and Indian Food. oh. mygod.



Anyway, that seems like a lengthy enough review! Sorry I didn't touch on all the things (the baths, Margaret Island, the bridges, etc), but hopefully this will be of some help to someone when they're trying to figure out if they want to go to Budapest <3

The BodyHoliday - Castries, St. Lucia

The BodyHoliday, Castries St. Lucia

(View of the building where my room was)

When: March of this year (2016)

With: My First Solo Expedition!

Endorsement: None. This blog is just the unpaid me here with my opinions (though if anyone ever wants to pay me to go somewhere and review I will take you up on it SO FAST your head will spin)


St. Lucia has always been on my bucket list as a tropical place way out of my reach/price range. I always thought either there or Turks and Caicos would be somewhere I'd like to go maybe on my honeymoon or something. But given that I'm 28 and not engaged this shit was taking too long, so instead I used the epic stress that is Carms (aka: the Sorting Hat) Residency Release Date as my excuse to spend way too much money on a solo luxury vacation.
I'm a very cautious person when it comes to travel (believe it or not), and so I have never traveled anywhere outside the country on my own with the exception of one rebellious trip to Detroit when I was 15.
After much searching online about which locations and resorts were best for a solo female traveler who was interested in peace and tranquility while also having the option of staying active and eating properly (I'm lacto-ovo vegetarian), and wasn't looking for partying/late nights/getting hit on I determined that BodyHoliday in St. Lucia was the best resort for me. (note: BodyHoliday is an "all-inclusive" resort with options you can buy in addition once you get there).
I think it was an amazing resort to do just that. Basically never did I feel that people were wondering 'oh what's this weird girl doing here alone like a loser'. It's pretty common for them to get solo visitors. I met a whole bunch of them while I was there! The BodyGuard (staff) even facilitate people hanging out and being friends by having get togethers and dinners etc together if that's something you want to do to change things up. And no, it doesn't feel like a night of icebreakers and AA or anything "Hi my name is Angie and I'm a big loser" *Hi Angie*. Its a truly welcoming environment that at the very least is a great opportunity for people watching.

The Location:

It's a long-ass journey from Newfoundland to Castries, St. Lucia. NL -3 1/2hrs-> Toronto -5 1/2hrs->St. Lucia -(12min helicopter or 90min drive)->Castries/BodyHoliday.

The helicopter is extra but after a full day of airports, I really couldn't handle the drive. The roads are very narrow and windy and depending on the time of day traffic can be insane. There's an external company that does helicopters back and forth as long as at least 4 people are registered to be on it, and i strongly recommend it even at least one way so that you can get a mini tour of the island which is something like 95% protected rainforest. The pilots are charming and happy to volunteer information throughout the ride.

The resort itself is breathtaking and just as picturesque in real life as it is in the pictures you'll see on their website Very colonial build and, indeed, the majority of people visiting were from the UK. I was close to alone in my butchering-english accent that comes with living in eastern Canada. The british accents made it all the more charming - who doesn't love that accent??

The age demographic of visitors was surprisingly high... probably an average of 60 years old. The resort apparently has different months for different groups (Solo September for example), and so I'm not sure if this was part of the reason. Regardless, I was happy enough to see that because it meant less people gawking at me on parade in bathing suits, and less insecurities with respect to trying to not party all night with people my own age.
Though there is a Piano Bar open late at night and regardless of what age you think 'old' is, these people can keep you up all hours if you let them! haha

The Spa: 

BodyHoliday has been rated one of the top luxury/spa resorts in the world, and their spa definitely lives up to the expectations. You have one free 50 minute spa trip per day included in your prices, and there are a million others to choose from. I think everyone should do the Deluxe Coconut & Spice Combo... like every day for the rest of their lives. Oh. My God. Better than any of the ones that I paid for. I'm serious. I would live at this spa if I was allowed.

The spa is up a hike of ~75 steps which is engulfed in greenery and passes one of the gyms as well as portions of the Wellfit trail (which, when done with one of the trainers aka BodyGuards is WAY more intense than you expect it will be I don't care how fit you are). There are many steps at this resort so If you are physically unable to do stairs I would be pretty hesitant to recommend this resort.

The staff is marvelous! The women at the front desk of the spa ... well by the end of my week stay I actually hugged one goodbye because she was just the best. She remembered every little thing I said (she even asked me about my residency results when they came out days after I mentioned that was the reason I was there in the first place)!

Indeed, virtually all the staff that work directly with clients (eg., BodyGuards - oh my god I love them all) were the nicest most enthusiastic people that seemed to genuinely love what they did. A lot of them when you ask if theyve ever traveled anywhere they answer "No because why leave paradise when I'm already there?".

The (pretty much unlimited) Activities:

During my week at BodyHoliday I went scuba diving (including my first night dive!), waterfall abseiling,  yoga, taichi, pool volleyball, swimming, Wellfit trail, personal training, as well as lead-and-solo-singing at the piano bar. I by no means even made a dent in the activities available.
Every morning someone writes up a list of all the options for you to do (all-included in your stay). It's almost intimidating how many things there are to keep busy if that's your thing.

Tai Chi!

Before I went, I figured oh it's an all inclusive all these workouts will be niche semi-workouts for hungover people. Wrong. So wrong. These people train olympians. No really.  Don't believe me? Go do the wellfit trail with one of the "bodyguards" (fitness trainers). I have never, since mountain climbing in Peru, felt SO AWARE that I have exercise asthma (and didn't bring my inhaler because I'm an idiot who thinks she's invincible until the moment she's not) after about 2 minutes of this 35-45min workout around the entire grounds where you climb walls made of rope, burpees, balancing acts and high rise tightropes (to name a few of the many things you do). Holy sweet sweaty expletive deleted. And the BodyGuard was SO supportive the whole time. I have never had someone push me and believe in me like that (even if she was probably thinking oh my god why is this unfit lazy girl doing this what is her life). That woman was truly born to be a personal trainer.

At the same time nobody is forcing you or pushing you to do anything. If you want to laze on the beach go for it. Nobody's judging. Though to be honest if that's all you wanted to do on your vacation I don't think I would recommend BodyHoliday. It's easily doable but sort of feels as though it defeats the purpose of attending this particular resort.

Waterfall Rappel/Abseil

Waterfall Rappel/Abseil

The Food:

Deli sample menu
(you can stray all you want from the ingredients, just ask!)

BodyHoliday is known to be a 5-star resort and the food lives up to the name 100%.
Particularly in the buffet for breakfast and lunch, there are SO many vegetarian options and all food is kept indoors in an air conditioned place so I had no discomfort or concerns about getting the dreaded travellers' diarrhea. Indeed this (and Maldives) is the only time I have just eaten whatever I wanted without absolute paranoia. If anyone's going to get sick, it'll be me. And I DIDNT GET SICK!

If you're the super healthy type there is a beachside deli/smoothie/latte bar that custom makes salads, smoothies, juices, wraps, and other amazing delectables pretty much all morning and afternoon. I'm pretty sure the best wrap I've ever had in my life was there. They also have more or less a wall full of freshly baked desserts like cookies, fudge, etc. Ridiculous. And the absolute best part? If you're on the beach or by the pool and you're just that comfortable you can't be bothered to get up, you put up your little red flag and a lovely individual comes and takes your order then delivers it to you. You are seriously treated like royalty. And keep in mind all of that is included in the price of your stay. I'm salivating just thinking about it I'm not even kidding. If I had to pick one thing to go back to St Lucia for it would be for the Beach Side Deli in combination with the beach bed thingy I lid on all damn day like a queen.

Beach Bed Thing.
Heads up - ants are waiting to take your food if you let them.

If that doesn't make you happy then right next to the deli is a guy who custom makes you pizza in a pizza oven. What.

OR if you want a little of a million things you go to the buffet. When I say buffet its not like a buffet at some random mass resort where everyones pushing and shoving like pigs to troughs to get the next deep fried whatever basking in salmonella. The buffets were beautiful in their own presentation. There were chefs available right in front of you to make you whatever you wanted more or less. Personalized omelettes, pancakes and waffles for example.

oh god the breakfast buffet get in me

There is a lot of hype about one particular restaurant at the resort (TAO) and to be honest I wasn't blown away by it. Yes, the food was amazing and tastefully delivered just as you'd expect in a 5-star restaurant (tiny portions, healthy, amazingly delicious, artfully presented, wonderful wine pairing) but it's selection was limited for non-flesh eaters. It did, however have the most wonderful music soundtrack... by that which I mean the sound of the ocean just below. Amazing.

Tao custom made vegetarian meal

Similarly with Cariblou windows. A lovely young gentleman and I visited the second-most fancy a la carte restaurant for my last supper there, and while the food was again beautiful in every way, it really wasn't like... OH MY GOD MY LIFE DEPENDS ON EATING THERE AGAIN.
Give me a series of cold cheeses to choose from on the other hand and I'll be there with bells on (as I was with buffet).

I'm by no means a fancy-food connoisseur so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

The Accommodations (Grand Luxury Ocean Front Room)

(Is that a banana on your bench or are you just happy to see me?

I'll be the first to admit I probably over-splurged with my room. The one that I choice was a very recently renovated, expansive and beautiful room overlooking the ocean (just one story up) with a MASSIVE bathroom big enough for at least two people where you could look out and watch the sunset in your own sea of bubbles if you so desired.
The bed was SO comfortable and (get this) they have a menu for pillows. Do you like foam pillows? Done! Feather? sure! Lying in a sea of puppies? Maybe not... but then again, I didn't ask and the resort was always very quick to politely accommodate any requests.
Since I went alone, I really didn't need all the room! I actually requested stepping down to the next level in order to save some money and use that money to buy more days there, but that unfortunately isn't a thing you can do in the real world. Womp womp.
But the view and the balcony were huge and amazing. Seriously. I used to sit out on my balcony with a glass of cold white wine and watch the sailboats in the mid afternoon when it was too hot for me to want to do anything other than be a beluga whale basking in the world of Castries.

Big enough for two
(if that's what youre into, no judging!)

I did, however, visit the Garden View room (the 'base room', if you will) which was also nice (I personally think the bathroom in Garden View is better than the one that I had). The garden views are more mahogany-based and small-ish but I didn't feel cramped like I was going to get claustrophobic or something. The bathroom is huge. Everything is tastefully decorated throughout. I spent a fair amount of time in my room (relatively speaking) because I enjoy the solitude and the view. But if you plan on spending not that much time in your room really there is nothing wrong with the Garden view. It's not like you're staying in doors to watch tv (there are no tv's in any of the rooms - what are you doing going to st. lucia trying to watch tv, come on man) so who cares? The bed is super comfy, the bathroom is marble-y and everything is kept immaculate by the room cleaning staff. Yolo. One note though is there is no room service in any of the rooms on the resort. So, if that's your thing... it aint gonna happen. Trust me, I asked lol.






Alright, well that's surely long enough to put anyone on the internet to sleep or onward to 9gag, so I'll stop here. But hopefully some of this was of help if you're considering going to BodyHoliday! I think its a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime trip if you like to mix healthy living with cheesecake, and beachside lazing with adventure training all enraptured with a daily free massage.

It would be beautiful to go on solo or with friends or as a couple, but it's definitely NOT the place you go to get wasted and dance to techno.

It's what I would call a 'mature-feeling' resort that appeals to both younger and older individuals who like to appreciate life for what it is, and strive to push yourself to do more and be better.

So I suppose in a weird summary, If you're looking for a potential husband/wife/companion - this is a great place to theoretically find one. But if you're looking for a series of random flings and mornings of "oh god what did I even do last night" than no, this is not the best choice for you.
Different strokes for different folks!

Have you ever been? What did you think? Yay Holidays! I can't wait until my next one :)