there is so much sexy I just can't even.
Alright. So now that were all on the same sexy-ass George Michael Saxophone page... I wanted to take a few minutes to have a brief little chat about Monte Carlo.
Q: WHAT IS MONTE CARLO -A!??!
A: Monte Carlo is this massive out-of-control fund raiser that med school puts off every year as a valiant (and always successful) attempt to raise unbelievable amounts of money for charity that can only be comparable to that fashion show those hot chicks had on The OC that one time.
Q: SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH RAISING MONEY FOR THE LESS FORTUNATE YOU SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT?!!!?
A: Med school students simply do NOT have the time to be putting off this big ole jesus fund raiser where we raise +25G in like 6 months or less while concurrently attempting to learn things. Important things. Like CPR and what personality we have according to some random people in the Human Ethics department. Don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer we need to be be health advocates and so forth because, clearly, we should. I'm just saying that you can't be expecting 20-something year olds to try to learn all the things that there is to learn in the world that you need us to know to keep everyone alive and healthy while concurrently putting off the biggest fundraiser of the entire year single-handed.
Regardless of what we are capable of multitasking, every year all the 1st and 2nd years are Volun-told that they need to take on this massive thankless responsibility that can only be comparable in my mind to that time I was head of Grad Committee in Grade 12 High school and everyone hates everyone else because GODDAMNIT I WANTED FORMAL MASQUERADE NOT WINTER WONDERLAND THEME. #fact.
Anyway long story short bf is playing in his 4person band that he called a "quartet" because he's classier than me, and I'm not there. No. Instead I am on my couch in my pyjamas because I did not get dressed or showered today. This is all part of my diabolical plan to boycott Monte Carlo as the holy blessed asshole in a sea of JesusC**** that goes along with pre clerkship.
So to explain my distaste for what Monte Carlo is (no matter how good an idea it is in theory), here is a series of gifs! (it was either do this or study for my internal med NBME and, come on... we all know I'm doomed no matter what I do so HERE WE ARE)
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MONTE CARLO GIF PARTY
(by: a girl who's going to get exiled from the rest of society post-this blog entry)
The day starts like any other day; you face the morning with eager excitement:
... and get ready for an exciting day of paying riveting attention to every single word that comes out of anyone's mouth who is trying to teach you new and wondrous things!
But before the professor starts, your fellow med school people (probably the year above you) face you with excessive excitement to tell you about the best thing that's happened to you since your acceptance letter: MONTE CARLO! Oh and while they're here... maybe you could think about volunteering? No pressure though!
And being a N00b you're just like WOW! and before you know it, you're signing up to make the biggest difference ever with regard to this massive fundraiser you've never heard of 24hrs ago!
But as soon as you sign up for one thing, then it's bake sales.
And dance practice three times a week.
And also we forgot to mention but each student needs to donate a minimum of $100 each out of their own pockets in order to make this happen.
Never mind the fact that you're broke as fuck and currently living on a > hundred-thousand dollar student loan... THINK OF THE LESS FORTUNATE PEOPLE! COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU, A COMMIE?
Months and months go by and people are haunting you to the point that every time you hear the words 'monte carlo' you start developing this demented eye twitch that keeps you from going outside during the day because heaven forbid someone ask you to do ANOTHER something or whatever because if you don't you might as well get disowned from all society for being a selfish prick.
Oh you have to study? FUCK YOU SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE BUT WE'RE ALL MAKING SACRIFICES SO CAN YOU. Because how ELSE will your class outdo the class that put off the fund raiser last year!?!?
And by now with all the fund raising sucking your life away your grades are probably slipping and OH HEY did you forget about that assignment that's due tomorrow!? Better get on that, slacker!
The day finally comes when you and your girlfriends/boyfriends all get together to prepare for looking nice on your one night outside the house and OUT ON DA TOWNNNNN
But... DON'T FORGET you're representing the SCHOOL and the PROFESSION and NO FUN ALLOWED.
Sometime around 3 minutes before you and your peers all go out on stage for that big fancy dance that you all learned over 3 months while simultaneously studying for every possible thing that can go wrong in a person medically, you guys all get your shit together and have one single moment where everyone stops trying to slit each other's throats and just acts like normal human beings.
The rest of the night goes without a hitch (more or less) and the rest of the year flies by.
And one day you find yourself in clerkship when someone asks you if you're going to Monte Carlo this year on your one day off during the last 2 weeks.
And you're like... no. No I think I'll stay in and wear pyjamas and drink wine with my dogs instead. Because as horribly unhealthy as that sounds, it's better than facing Monte carlo ever again.
Fin.
-A.
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