Adventures in Photoshop...

A jovial anecdote to express how one adventure through photoshop ruined my weekend...and possibly gave me hypertension.

Aimlessly perusing the internet is one of my biggest talents, particularly if I have a final exam to study for. Since the start of this blog (and my decision to actually TRY to make a webcomic that isn't awful and short-winded), much of my inter-web surf time has centralized around how to's concerning making a successful online cartoon. 

The highlight of all internet in my opinion is crude stick-drawings that have way too much facial expressions (if you haven't already noticed). Being raised on websites such as Hyperbole and a half and Loading Artist has dramatically raised the standards of what I thought I should easily be able to accomplish with little to no time and experience...  

So, having no technological experience whatsoever, I figured I might as well casually glance online for an easy photoshop creature to create in 5mins or less which would reaffirm how well I know how to Computer.

I went on the inter web, found a website that had cute characters you can create in Adobe and I was like, well this will be a good place to start! Not because I didn't think I would be capable of immediately being an Adobe All-Star, but because I genuinely didn't want to intimidate myself with the witchery of assumed-inherent-expert-ability at everything immediately. I decided on a sea critter, because oceans are fun and the critter is basically an adorable circle with legs: 

Fuck this adorable octopus.

Without delay, I loaded up the photoshop program for the first time ever, fully prepared to immediately master it, despite the fact that I don't even own a Tablet to draw with (all I have is a trackpad that probably last week I learned how to 'right click' on).

... Needless to day, confidence was running high that I was about to find yet another thing that (my brain told me) I was naturally a God Among Mortals at:

But as soon as the screen (finally) loaded I was totally blown away by the number of buttons. Once i found the "Pen" button (which took me about 13 minutes to locate), I discovered that I didn't even know how to draw a line because every time I clicked anywhere squiggly nothingness showed up. 

A Diagram of Infinity number of Buttons on Photoshop Illustrator...
Sweet mother of God.

This of course led to an angry frenzy that required me to leave my laptop before I put my fist through it in a murderous rage. It was only then that I learned apparently people go to school to use Adobe programs.
Nevertheless that new fact didn't stop me from opting out of studying for my upcoming final exam and instead spending NINE HOURS attempting in vain to sketch the cute, cuddly, and completely irrelevant octopus (I'm not even exaggerating; it was dark out by the time I stopped flailing wildly at the trackpad on my laptop).
When I finally finished I let out a huge sigh of relief and showed Jon my wonderful creation. But when I genuinely looked at the screen, I realized that in 9 Hours not only was I utterly incapable of drawing a happy circle with legs, I seemed to have somehow invoked the spirit of the ugliest most mentally challenged demon from the 7th layer of hell with my trackpad:

Brain, not being one to accept self-criticism, got angry at Photoshop, because clearly it is a shitty program made those who want to be in a crappy club for jerks. I exclaimed to myself WELL JEEZ I COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT ON JON'S TABLET WITHOUT USING ANY SHITTY EXPENSIVE PROGRAMS. 

So I had to spend another half an hour proving that to myself. 

Unfortunately, that too didn't really pan out on par to my previous self-expectations: 

Resigning myself to utter ineptitude at all things art, I gave up trying to do anything successful and instead just wasted the rest of the night studying.
Though the next day, when I looked back at all the hard work and effort that Saturday brought me, I had my uplifting little motivator (brain) in my head telling me the drawings were perfect all along:

Long story short, I'm sorry that this journal entry was late being posted... and the reason why it was late is because I've continued on the journey of trying to understand Adobe. Cuz one day I really would like to have a genuinely good/successful online comic. Fingers Crossed!

-A.